We're all friendly with the rituals of New Years Eve. Does anyone actually ever do anything celebratory on New Year's Day, aside from nursing a hangover? Doesn't seem like it. It's not exactly BBQ weather.
Just wondering.
12.29.2009
12.12.2009
Y'wanna know what occurred to me today?
For the first time in FIVE years, I am pleased with my life as-is. There are a couple minor things I wouldn't mind improving-- but today when I flipped through the current chapter of my life, I thought, "Huh. I really like this. I adore my job and can't get enough of it. I'm surrounded by incredibly loving people. I'm in my own home and experiencing independence at its finest. For the first time I PREFER being unattached. I'm healthier than ever. Nothing is weighing me down, literally or figuratively."
I think I reached a point of maturity that I have long craved. I've finally become what I call "cordless." I don't need anybody. I can make it on my own and carry everyone else at the same time. But in those moments when I can't go on anymore, I have invaluable friendships where I can go to recharge.
And I just thought that was nice enough to share.
For the first time in FIVE years, I am pleased with my life as-is. There are a couple minor things I wouldn't mind improving-- but today when I flipped through the current chapter of my life, I thought, "Huh. I really like this. I adore my job and can't get enough of it. I'm surrounded by incredibly loving people. I'm in my own home and experiencing independence at its finest. For the first time I PREFER being unattached. I'm healthier than ever. Nothing is weighing me down, literally or figuratively."
I think I reached a point of maturity that I have long craved. I've finally become what I call "cordless." I don't need anybody. I can make it on my own and carry everyone else at the same time. But in those moments when I can't go on anymore, I have invaluable friendships where I can go to recharge.
And I just thought that was nice enough to share.
11.13.2009
11.08.2009
Well, it's been QUITE a while since you've heard from me. Between work and moving and barely being home, my creative juices have had no room to flow. But you wanna know the truth? I really need to call myself out on something. All that's a very convenient excuse not to face one of my flaws.
I knew starting a blog would open some kind of door. It could have been developing new friendships, or having a creative outlet. Turns out there was a mirror behind the opened door that made me see my soul in ways I never have.
I began spelunking through the caves of my mind and found a few stalagmites of neuroses I never knew were there. I'm a perfectionist to a fault. There are so many things I could and should do, but I don't because it may not turn out perfectly.
It's funny-- I was so afraid of starting this very blog because I might fail at it. "I might not word things perfectly. Or be disciplined about writing regularly. Or have anything interesting to say." So then I said nothing. My subconscious seemed to whisper, "People can't evaluate nothing." After some intensive soul-searching, I knew the truth. Nothing doesn't express ideas or touch hearts or make people giggle. Nothing is has no meaning."
In letting my perfectionism conquer me, I achieved EXACTLY what I feared. Failure. I've been a prime example that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.With all that said, I can't promise I will continue with this blog. I want to, because that would mean I got over myself and out of my head and could just have some fun talking with you guys. And understand, this isn't just about the blog. The blog is a symptom of something I need to overcome-- myself. It's not an easy thing to do.
Feels good to be honest. Wish me luck. :)
I knew starting a blog would open some kind of door. It could have been developing new friendships, or having a creative outlet. Turns out there was a mirror behind the opened door that made me see my soul in ways I never have.
I began spelunking through the caves of my mind and found a few stalagmites of neuroses I never knew were there. I'm a perfectionist to a fault. There are so many things I could and should do, but I don't because it may not turn out perfectly.
It's funny-- I was so afraid of starting this very blog because I might fail at it. "I might not word things perfectly. Or be disciplined about writing regularly. Or have anything interesting to say." So then I said nothing. My subconscious seemed to whisper, "People can't evaluate nothing." After some intensive soul-searching, I knew the truth. Nothing doesn't express ideas or touch hearts or make people giggle. Nothing is has no meaning."
In letting my perfectionism conquer me, I achieved EXACTLY what I feared. Failure. I've been a prime example that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.With all that said, I can't promise I will continue with this blog. I want to, because that would mean I got over myself and out of my head and could just have some fun talking with you guys. And understand, this isn't just about the blog. The blog is a symptom of something I need to overcome-- myself. It's not an easy thing to do.
Feels good to be honest. Wish me luck. :)
10.09.2009
Things that go plink in the night
Well, I seem to be a bit delayed in my posting. For those of you who don't know, I am currently in the process of moving! I will be on my own for the first time, and there's a lot to do. This all happened practically overnight, so I'm a little ill-prepared. Lots to do, lots to buy, lots to get used to.
So far I know that I am acutely on edge about the little cricks and creaks I hear when I'm all alone. I am in a duplex so I have neighbors that will cause the occasional clangs and clamours. Last night, my dad and I were over there about to leave. We decided first we would make absolutely sure the front door locks were working properly. I stood on the front porch and propped myself against the door frame as he stood inside to check the lock and jiggle the deadbolt. Then we heard it...
*plink*
My heart jumped. He looked up. "You heard it too??" I said. "Yes," he replied, "I think it was just the heater downstairs." Relief returned to my quivering heart and his eyes returned to the deadbolt. Then we heard it again.
*plonk*
"Oh, no," I thought to myself, "This is no coincidence. How can I live in such a dangerous place all alone?? Surely this was a huge mistake." My dad looked up.
"Are you leaning against the doorbell?"
I was.
So far I know that I am acutely on edge about the little cricks and creaks I hear when I'm all alone. I am in a duplex so I have neighbors that will cause the occasional clangs and clamours. Last night, my dad and I were over there about to leave. We decided first we would make absolutely sure the front door locks were working properly. I stood on the front porch and propped myself against the door frame as he stood inside to check the lock and jiggle the deadbolt. Then we heard it...
*plink*
My heart jumped. He looked up. "You heard it too??" I said. "Yes," he replied, "I think it was just the heater downstairs." Relief returned to my quivering heart and his eyes returned to the deadbolt. Then we heard it again.
*plonk*
"Oh, no," I thought to myself, "This is no coincidence. How can I live in such a dangerous place all alone?? Surely this was a huge mistake." My dad looked up.
"Are you leaning against the doorbell?"
I was.
10.01.2009
First and Foremost
How true: “the hardest part of anything is starting it.” I'm both thrilled and nervous to finally start blogging! This has been months in the making— rather, months of building my courage to just do it. I suppose this is something of a ‘Grand Opening’… and who knows more about those than our good friend Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Flailing Tube Man?
(I figured a ribbon-cutting was too fancy.) If you aren't familiar with Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man... I'm so sorry. Youtube it and your life will be that much more enriched.
I want you all to know that I am well aware of my mixed company of an audience. You will range from my family members and close friends to former teachers to perfect strangers. I can never please all of you, so in my mind you all cancel each other out. This furnishes me with a blank canvas, so I don’t plan on holding anything back. I will be sharing with you what is on my heart, on my mind, or just dangling from the end of my funny bone. It's fun to provide you all with a window into my brain, lending a factory-like tour of where the Paigeisms begin and end. Some get tossed, some are recycled, and some are little pieces of passion I use toward doing my part in changing the world.
Feel free to follow me through this online thing. No, seriously, there's a button at the top of the page. Follow me.
I want you all to know that I am well aware of my mixed company of an audience. You will range from my family members and close friends to former teachers to perfect strangers. I can never please all of you, so in my mind you all cancel each other out. This furnishes me with a blank canvas, so I don’t plan on holding anything back. I will be sharing with you what is on my heart, on my mind, or just dangling from the end of my funny bone. It's fun to provide you all with a window into my brain, lending a factory-like tour of where the Paigeisms begin and end. Some get tossed, some are recycled, and some are little pieces of passion I use toward doing my part in changing the world.
Feel free to follow me through this online thing. No, seriously, there's a button at the top of the page. Follow me.
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