Summer Clashion

     I best just get the lecture out of the way. Summer is right around the corner. To some that means picnics, baseball, heatstroke... to me it means fashion train wrecks with no escape.
   16-22 year old girls are by FAR most guilty. Let's face it; they use the first sign of heat as an excuse to dress like trash. Spaghetti straps and short-shorts do not, an ensemble, make. I just know it-- they've been bundled in their Snuggie all winter-- hemming that pair of glorified denim undies shorter and shorter, just waiting for the first 66ยบ day. Girl, puh-lease. Build a bridge and get over yo-self.
  I do have a few suggestions up my quarter-length sleeve to keep it classy when the day sizzles and the nights steam. (Pictorials borrowed from J.Crew).
  First and MOST importantly-- footwear. (I really want you to know that there's nothing I hate more than feet. They are the ugliest and most disgusting part of the human body; I can hardly bear to speak of them, so I get extra credit for this one. Hopefully in the end, this paragraph is an investment in humanity.) MEN: you look weird in open-toed shoes. Save them for the beach. End of discussion. Ladies: No one wants to see your feet either-- however, keeping you away from sandals is like trying to stop a downhill stampede. If you INSIST on wearing flip-flops, invest in a well-made feminine pair. Please don't do the $2 thing at Old Navy. Cheap flip-flops look-- cheap. Before you can blink, they look worn and dirty, and so do your feet. Yuuuck. Buy flip-flops that have a sheen to them, like a metallic.
 No foam, no rubber. And for CRYIN' in the night-- if you are going to exercise your "rights" to open-toed footwear, keep your southern-most appendages (got sick of saying the word) looking presentable. None of this "I didn't exfoliate today", chipped polish and toe rings nonsense. Offensive.

   I love shorts that hit right where the upper and mid thigh meet. To ME, that seems to be
the most flattering length. By the way, are cropped pants with ballet flats not adorable??

     Home stretch of my rant. This one's easy: nice tanks and t-shirts with some embellishment. Plain layering tanks are for layering. Try to stay away from any verbiage on your clothing.
 Summer fashion can easily stay classy. Don't neglect accessorizing. The bare minimum looks boring and-- bare!! I leave you with these words, so relevant to summer fashion:
    If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all.*
*But please remain clothed.


Haphazard Thoughts

   -Guys aren't usually much for kitchens. The only men who want to bake ARE baked.

   -I'm surprised the suicide rate among cake decorators isn't higher.

   -I used to think spring was overrated.
   -Who eats cooked fruit?? Ok, maybe apples.

   -I've been learning so much lately about how to connect with people.

  -I love to form my own can-can line between 2 parallel mirrors. Pfff, try telling me you've never done it.

  -Skinny jeans with flip flops look wrong. Flip flops in general are wrong. That's a whole 'nother blog (and it will be).
  -I never liked brownies until I ate a frozen one.

-Once I saw a motorcyclist out with no helmet. But the greater offense: he paired a denim
  jacket with jeans. No, no, no.


I Scream

  I HAVE to go to San Fransisco-- I just have to.
   There's this little ice cream place called "Humphry Slocombe" I'm dying to try. Everything is made from fresh, organic ingredients. And even though I'm "kinda vegan", I am readily willing to break that for this place. And the flavors-- oh buddy. Right up my alley. For those of you who are like me and aren't big into link clicking, I'll shorthand it for you. A few flavors I'm dying to try:
   Balsamic Caramel, Green Tea-Black Sesame, Cinnamon Brittle, McEvoy Olive Oil, Honey Thyme, Peanut Butter Curry, Pepper-Mint, Red hot Banana, Salt and Pepper, Banana Pecan, and White chocolate lavender. There are plenty of sorbets I'm dying to spoon-attack also. Cantaloupe, Golden Beet Saffron, Pineapple 5-spice, Thai chili lime, and Carrot-mango.
   So if any of you are planning an upcoming trip to SanFran, you have two choices. Take me
with you, or return with a very full cooler. Thanks in advance.